but there is no trust . I have said everything multiple times and get no response. He is so beautiful and clever and educated. That eventually died down and now we barely talk. The third time we broke up I called him to see how serious he was about me and he said that he hadnt got over his issues and he placed a greater importance to school. A couple of weeks ago we had a falling out and it came out that he is feeling emotionally detached from me. I know hes not the right partner for me. So I really would like to see you working in therapy on overcoming whatever it was in your own life that got the fears started. If hes not sure about her, he may abandon both of you anyway. Help Im confused and really want to fix our marriage. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. I ABSOLUTELY think that its possible to fall in love with the same person again. It makes me feel special. She is unable to plan or focus. We had a stupid argument, unrelated but I told him I was leaving. And is by the same guy over and over because I keep on believing that he can change for 5 years now ,,,recently I just dont know what to do anymore. The key to having a good conversation during your first date is asking questions. It looks to me like you are taking good steps your husb has a therapist and is getting alcohol counseling. I was logged in to his account, so Id see when he deleted their chats. Anyway, please see an MFT together. It seems hes missing an important part of being in the relationship with you. Only God can help you love someone how they need to be loved. I was stubborn for not doing this a long time ago. My husband felt he had fulfilled his part but I was slacking with my end. And now? Think about the people you deal with and how straight w them you are. Im scared that even if we do fix this, well never be the same happy couple again. Hi Alex But if the person who is hurting you is dragging you down, know when its time to leave. He put his face into her neck & told her that he Really really loves her. What you need to substitute is: Ive made a lot of mistakes. Period. My need of understanding the whys of his emotional affair with our mutual friend threaten to destroy any hope of reconciliation. I knew there was a problem and she was evading me about it. It happened a 2nd time & I questioned him. Saying things that are out of character, reminding me that I hurt him, so I have no ground to stand on, almost pretending Im not there some of the time. I was starting to date another guy and he just played with my emotions. He asked me to marry him a year and a half ago and I just didnt feel i could do it so after a month of wearing the ring i took it off and told him that we need to work at our relationship before we could do this step. I told him of all the things he used to do that made me unhappy (though I was happy sometimes, just not for long periods) then ended with the discoveries I made..He was pis. Not to be a buzz kill but counselors who would be qualified to help you are few and far between. The proof is the drinking and nonsense didnt stop. A very old-school romantic trick that never fails to impress women is giving them flowers on their arrival at the venue of the date. Now its been a few weeks later and he says that hes back to normal, and although hes still stressed he loves me more than he used to. Night before she texts me that its formal. This was all last month (August). Every day I saved her multiple times from aspiration. they have hurt me in the oast and i oulled away from two member of his family until i jus eventually jus cut off all of them. I loved him, just couldnt deal with the ex and the mom, tried telling him over and over that this was causing problems, he couldnt understand, kept saying he isnt interested in her. She never cursed me out. I still love this girl and I want to give her another chance. But the fact that she cheated is haunting her. Spouses are not there to make someone happy. One. This is because that is the only profession that deems it fine for the same therapist to see both members of a couple alone. Ive constantly prayed for God to free me from that relationship because I knew it wasnt healthy for me & I didnt need to betray my spouse in that manner. I feel ultimate guilt, shame, disgust with myself, sorrow for hurting him and his mom And more. This happened two more times until I decided to book my holidays with a girl friend of mine (he was always telling me I should be independent) He seemed glad I made that decision but after that he told me he couldnt take it any longer and that he needed to be alone. He is giving hundreds of reasons and wants me to trust him and believe that we will be together. I really appreciate your advice and maybe your right and its not love, but I think I wont know that for a fact until I actually just go to talk to him I know that sounds really desperate and classless of showing up at someones door but I think that is the only option I am left with. He told me he gave her a lift home (yet dropped her off at the top of our street they lived opposite us) & that she kissed him goodbye as a thank you. I ignored his emotions and efforts. Sex pretends you are close but it leaves out the everyday thingslike staying with your girlfriend when her grandfather died. she was a lovely lady who helped and loved me too, i wanted to help. How in the world can you get back to opening yourself up to someone who has hurt you? One day we had a short argument. She chose counseling and says that she wants to try and work things out. Take a plunge and think of what you can say or do that would be romantic and exciting. Hes promised to therapy, to get his testosterone checked, work out..etc. That said, we learned in school that two wrongs dont make a right. My boyfriend and I were together for 4 and a half years when I was anonymously sent a link to an ad he posted in the personals section looking for casual sex. I need some help. Instead she needs to see positive change in you before she will even entertain the idea of staying. We have been verbal abuse. it was good. She moved out with her sister and from being traumatized, fell immediately out of love with me. He at first hid it for me for month and friends of our all knew about it and no one told me. Good luck with turning that around. He claims until this day that she is just a friend who was there to visit his mother because she took care of her as child. My wife and I are struggling. I want him to talk to his boss. Ask your therapist his or her orientation. Hi Wishes For Hope, She was already rather fragile to begin with. This is a wonderful step. In July something happened and I felt awful as I could not help or change the situation. I said ok. She came but stayed in her car, called me to come out. Same interests similar upbringings and he really is just a sweet genuine guy. Although she says she finds me attractive she cant open up, her heart to have sex with me , she just cant. Loving Someone Quotes. It took him a little longer but a couple of months later we were together. I have been in a relationship with my husband for almost 8 years and almost 6 years of being married. (we have a home together and pets that are like children) but I am torn. The pain the victims spouse feels is emotional and physical. Whats the upside of this difficult process? I have tried to reassure her by telling her I would never bring this issue up again. He also said that if he didnt cheat, I would have been the one to cheat. We dont get a long most of the time, we argue because he can discipline my kids but I cant even look at his the wrong way without it being a diaster. I dont know what to do. I didnt mean it but we had always threatened each other of leaving but we never left. Find a very good therapist, a person trained in systemic therapy who only does marriage counseling. 3. Facebook, smart phone,kids,help others and work. He will be needy and insecure and maybe sweet. The friendship thing did not work after he got married. Weve both have hurt each other emotionally and theres always tension between us. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. Like this that I dont know what to do. i was seeing a counselor but found it of no help at all. He is someone from my past that I used to fool around with. What do I do? Not to mention that if Im thinking shes the best possible girl I can be with, the next girl, whether it be her or another, will be ten times better. And he does not know how to get back to the place he would prefer to be with you as a family, but in love as well. I confronted him and I was absolutely done but I was still in a lot of pain and he then would send me long messages every morning (like this one ) trying to apologie and asking for one more chance and etc it was a huge blow out. I knew the guy from working with my ex. Its way too confusing for him. Well I got pregnant and we got together to see if this would work. We had words and that was 4 months ago. It feels good to let them know you care and love them, but it will do the complete opposite and push them away. hie am a 25 years old woman I have been in a relationship with a man for 30months. Before you have complete trust, he will be able to explain why he used to do it and why looking at other women means zero to him now. But Im having trouble getting the feelings back. Many disappointments and struggling and putting my whole heart into this relationship I feel I cant any more . I have never known of an open relationship that was at the same time emotionally close and loving. Hi Princy, My response to that is: Okay, and what happens in 2 years when your dopamine goes down and the seratonin levels go up again? I am unable to convince him otherwise. And i really do love him so much. I dont know what to do. We are like soul-mates and only like the comfort from each other. I see absolutely no reason to keep up conversation with her anymore. Two options for you are couples counseling or, as I suggested to the person who wrote just before you, the video on my website is a good beginning at self-help if you would both watch it. About six months ago, we had a blow out because of what I perceived as a radical change in her behavior. he tells me Im just being stupid and its just a film but I feel like if ur in a loving relationship there should be no need to feel like you need to look at anyone else sexualy. I found instead an email he sent to his ex girlfriend asking her to come back to him. We got into a small argument a teo months ago that turned into something big and I left the house for about a week. As such, he will see the difference. He said he loves her and they tell each other that every day. Says I am not part of his future. "People like you if you win and hate you if you lose. He will disclose his side to make anyone but himself look bad. Unfortunately, she had complications with the pregnancy and the child was lost. Ive told him that it will never happen again. Dr. Deb Im a controlling wife thats why my husband told me that he dont love me anymore . I finally contacted him a couple weeks after we quit talking, and we managed to have a serious conversation. We have 4 children. I always thought my husband would stay..He never judged me, yelled at me, or did a single thing to hurt me. Even though he is doing everything in his power to show me his love I feel like I the hurt and pain has made me numb. Then we fought, and i forgave him and i really did put it in the past. I thought she would learn few lesson if I ignore her for some time. Hi Shawn, I just wanted to let you know you have support and I hope things are getting better for you. do not want to loose them i love them very much just to let them go with out doing anything. When I got out I asked him what I had to do, I didnt want him to give up on me, on us. I cant find myself to accept him seeing this friend and it hurts me all the time. Genuine love but she can care less. Said it was the first time it happened since we started dating. We eventually ended up having sex on a regular basis. Please help me on what to do. She still talk to her friend from India and that drives me crazy, she feels bad because his wife ended his marriage when I told her about our the nature of our spouses relationship. I just dont understand her anymore. I want nothing more than to go back to what we had but she is too mad. While nothing is fully repaired yet, I feel like well be okay. You can experience emotions that range from admiration to spite, from fascination to boredom and, from illusion to disgust. How do I fix me? How do we both stop the non sense??? Im lost, hurt, and I want him in my life because he is my person. or what else we can do if we are not together living in separated stated . so for her to say a matter of hours later its over came completely out of the blue! Im moving out for the 3rd time and I fear I am making a mistake, that I may lose him forever, but at the time it feels right, but after talking it doesnt but I already have the place took $ out of as a loan on my 401k but I didnt sign the lease and I know my friends would say Im being stupid for staying. How can i handle this please any one any good advise or DR beb any suggestion is a way to put this relation back. In my heart we were true soulmates. Am welling to fight back, but i feel hes is not trying to put the effort into getting back together. What hurt was that he completely ignored me. Im sorry this is so long and rambling, this is the first site Ive felt comfortable talking on, and the only friend I talked to about this is poly, so she just didnt understand why I was uncomfortable with him doing more if I left them together to do anything. I have been afraid of facing my own fears and emotions kind of like good will hunting. I just want to find a way to rekindle this relationship. Hello Dr. Deb, Good Morning. Those feelings for someone else dont just come from nothing. Unlike Psychologists who say it is a big boundary crossing to see one or another person and the couple together, MFTs feel that is a helpful way to get to know each person as a person. Hi Clara Well then in June or July 2013 I went on his yahoo account and there were emails on there off of craigslist personals between him and other woman in 2012. If you go to my other blog, on my website, drdeb.com, there are some articles that deal with sex, porn, and so forth. I didnt mind buying stuff she needs to get done. When he got back, we talked some but most of these conversations ended with him being frustrated and me being devastated. No need for me to jump back in so quickly. If my 5 steps, above, are not quite enough, I would suggest you consider enrolling in my course. Can the spark of my kiss be there again? Im not sure if you see these comments anymore, but Id like advice as the one who hurt the man I love. always remember, for those out there who are in relationships that are struggling, or are working things out, make sure before you say something, you think before you speak, install a filter between your lips and your tongue so to speak, because if you choose to say something hurtful, you can never take it back and the damage caused by what you assume is just a simple word is far more destructive and painful long term. And later imprisoned and tortured for a year. I have been told to maybe take a break and talk to a therapist. The last week before I moved out was a bit different. I see my therapist tomorrow, but Ive had an ache in my gut all day. Somehow, we sat down and talked and moved on but now there was a wall between us. why cant he see that. It is always easier said than done. My parents kicked him out of the apt when I was institutionalized and I have since got him to move back in. They would still have sex but it wasnt meaningful to partner one the way it had been. But then I met my husband. Initially my husband attempted to use lots of sexual intimacy to help us get over his emotional infidelity; hot romance oozed out of this man who hadnt had a romantic moment with me in 37 years. You want someone who wants you for the PERSON you are. No one.. He has never lied to me and usually says what he means, but Im lost. I continue to pray for his healing and I told him that I would be here for him if he needed anything . I had been clean for over a decade. I feel you are absolutely right. The most obvious scenario in which you hate and love a person at the same time is one in which your love is not reciprocated. How can YOU be sure (let alone your wife) that you will NEVER in a hundred years do this again? I asked for a sit down with her to discuss our problems. Make a point to have fun in each other's presence. He will not see that if you are desperate. Daniel, i go and visit him in his country when i can to try to heal and build the relationship. My questions are these, can she fall back in love with me? | I suppose Im worried about the future. Chose counseling and says that she wants to try to heal and build the relationship well never the! Get done soul-mates and only like the comfort from each other emotionally and theres always tension between.. God can help you love someone how they need to substitute is Ive. We had always threatened each other heart to have fun in each other leaving! Work out.. etc world can you be sure ( let alone your wife ) that will... 8 years and almost 6 years of being in the past, her heart to a... Weeks after we quit talking, and i felt awful as i could not help or change the.. Something big and i want nothing more than to go back to opening yourself to! 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Neck & told her that he dont love me anymore be qualified to help long ago!
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