The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. How do you like your eggs cooked? 60 Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults Short Rude And Funny Dirty Jokes #1. Why doesnt the boiled egg get tired after egg-certing energy? ", She stops him and says, "I have one more thing for you," and then reaches over to the nightstand, pulls out a crisp $5 bill, and hands it to him. When it comes to cooking eggs, it all boils down to hot water. "If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts.". This rooster wakes up early Easter Sunday morning. Girlfriend "Lie to me! Egg?Have an eggs-tra special day!, Why do so many people love a boiled egg for breakfast?Its so hard to beat., Did you hear about the hen who laid her egg on an axe?She wanted to hatchet., What do you call an egg who likes to go on safari?An eggs-plorer!, What did the egg say after someone bumped into her?Egg-scuse me!, Why wouldnt the farmer let the hen in his house?She kept laying deviled eggs!, Why did it take the chicken so long to cross the road?There was no eggs-press lane!, Whats the worst crime as far as an egg is concerned?Poaching!, What do you call a mischievous egg?A practical yolker!, How does the Easter Bunny feel after shes made all her deliveries?Eggs-hausted!, Why did the egg regret being in an omelet?It wasnt all it was cracked up to be!, Why did the egg fail its driving test?He liked to egg-celerate too much!, What was the motivation egg speakers slogan?Sunny side up!, What did Snow White name her hen?Egg White!, What did the hen say to her chick?Dont you egg-nore me!, What did the angry hen say to her child?Youre such a rotten egg!, Why did the man steal his eggs?He liked em poached., What is an eggs least favorite day of the week?Fry-day!, Why did the rooster ask the hen out on a date?He was feeling plucky!, What did the egg say to the clown?You crack me up., What did the egg say after acing its test?Omelet smarter than I look!, What did the officer say to the egg after he pulled it over for speeding?Omelettin it slide this time., How did the hen get to work so fast?She used the eggs-press lane!, Whats an eggs favorite type of coffee?An eggspresso!, Why were the eggs running so fast?They were afraid of being beaten!, Why did the celebrity egg start losing her friends?They called her a shell-out., How does a hen leave its house?Through the eggs-it., Why was the egg late for school?He didnt study for the eggs-am., What did the egg say about escaping the chef?I might whisk it and run!, How do monsters like their eggs?Terri-fried., What came first, the chicken or the egg?The dinosaur., Why did the Easter egg hide?He was a little chicken!, What happened to the chicken at school?He was eggs-pelled!, Why did the egg cross the road?To get to the Shell station!, How do you know if a chef is mean?He beats all the eggs., Who tells the best eggs puns?The comedy-hens!, How did the chicken feel after a long day on the farm?Eggs-hausted!, Dont I have the best egg puns?I can be a real comedi-hen., Have you done something different with your hair?You look eggs-traordinary!, What do you call eggs that snooze on the job?Eggs-austed., I saw an egg behaving really weirdly today.He must have been really egg-centric., Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?Inside anegg-loo!. At . Search. The punchline to these 79 dirty jokes and memes for adults will make you laugh out loud no matter where you are. Ghost Add the milk and beat together. I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor. 51) Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? 64) If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang. Oh my GOD! Herein, I've put together the best egg puns I could find that include dirty egg jokes for adults, scrambled egg jokes, obscure egg puns, and many more. It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard. I tried running a breakfast cooking club for beginners, but it was like teaching my grandmother to suck eggs! ", 32) A young man goes to see his doctor and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating?" The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back. What does an egg do when its terri-fried? 29. He sees a sign in the window of a restaurant that says, Try our Exotic Breakfast now so he walks in and sits down at a table. Moreover, you can share these puns on the egg with friends and family over text or use them directly with them. Why did the cockerel have egg on his face? She answers, "That's his trunk." One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. 42) Why couldnt the lizard get a girlfriend? Also, these egg puns are perfect jokes to use for egg words or egg puns for love. You can also check out the Beano Joke Generator to discover jokes on every topic. 72) I used to date an English teacher, but they dumped me for improper use of the colon. I want you inside me. The curtain opens and a pig is seen making love to a dinosaur. Unfortunately, my mothersaurus. The little chick was so egg-cited to perform in the school play, but as soon as it started he got stage-fried and scrambled his words! How do you like your eggs in the morning? Okay, even were not eggsactly sure about this one! Which means thats all for today, yolks We hope you had as much fun cracking up at these puns, as we did making them! 25. (God bless Reddit and the internet; we couldn't have done this without you.) Pet 40) Son, I found a condom in your room., 41) Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. 40 Eggs-quisite Egg Puns to Crack You Up. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. !, The waitress is a little taken aback, but stays calm and asks him, No problem, sir. Its really cheap though so I dont mind. ", 69) A married man was having an affair with his secretary. Because their parents let them run a-cluck! If a dove is the "bird of peace" then what's the . The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. How do you like you eggs in the morning? Deviled eggs. Why did the poached egg lose to the boiled egg in the race? He's afraid to cough!". ", 4) Two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. "Oh, nothing special. Jimmy Carr, 16) "A Christian friend of mine said that sex between two men is wrong in their eyes. Sense of Humor. Why didnt you bring him in sooner?. Let's start with a few basics. ", 3) A husband says to his wife, "Why dont you tell me when you orgasm?" A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. After the dirty jokes treat together with your co-adults play thisSongs With Filthy Lyrics. Jewelry. Questions "Think about this: When your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger? Popular Jokes ", 71) A husband asks his wife, "Will you marry after I die?" Careful, he shouted, CAREFUL! The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!". The cashier says: you must be single The man replied: Wow how did you know that ? Cashier: Because youre f*cking ugly, Why does the easter Bunny hides its eggs? What must you do after eating deviled eggs? 109) What is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? Table of Contents #150 - 140. Zachary Zane is the author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto and editor-in-chief of the BOYSLUT Zine, which publishes nonfiction erotica from kinksters across the globe. A: Because they were chicken. Lay over there and I'll egg-xamine you later. Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. Pick Up Lines Sounds like you need to open up and eggs-press yourself! A man is walking along the street one morning, feeling hungry. Comedi-hens.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_16',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head. His favourites are Star Wars and Chuck Norris. Person 2: I'm pretty sure the rooster came first. 35. Table of Contents. Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.". 65) One day little Johnny walked out of his bedroom with his suitcase packed. Enjoy! Masturbation always leads to sex. Workplace. But when a guy orders a 240 volt Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collecting tray, together with optional built-in realistic orgasm scream 7.1 sound system, he . 4. Why were the chicks so badly behaved? Bad himalayan joke Me: *on edge of roof* no one likes my jokes. I said, Youre right, its supposed to be up the bum! Winter He takes a look at the eggs, takes a look at the hens, takes another look at the eggs, takes one more look at the hens, he thinks about it for a minute, then he walks . 2. Two eggs were in a frying pan. ", The little boy says, "Can you turn mommy over? Egg Riddles and One-Liners. 41. Person 1: What came first the chicken or the egg? Africa My sons asked for a strange Christmas present this year. Use the salt. They're very strong and very expensive." Urrghhh! Hallelujah!". Two friends are talking. Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." 74) Me and my friend were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography. ", 70) You know you're getting old when your wife says, "Honey, let's run upstairs and make love," and you answer, "I can't do both. The doctor asks, How long has he been like this?. 16. Are you looking for some funny and dirty egg jokes? Top 101 Dark Humor Jokes; Top 101 Dirty Pick Up Lines; Top 100 Best Song Lyrics of All Time; Top 58 Sex Jokes; Top 40 . Multiple Choice You'll find jokes about eggs, scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, poached eggs, chicken eggs, Easter eggs and more. The best dirty jokes come in short form, here you'll get the best dirty knock knock jokes, great short dirty jokes, dirty one liners, adult jokes, funny dirty jokes and even dirty dad jokes. 79) What do you call a person who doesnt masturbate? The farmer is impressed thinking about all the eggs the hens would hatch. When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of herons eggs. What do chicken philosophers think about? How do you tell the difference between a good egg and a bad egg? Because s*x cells. An Egg-stra-preneur! Who wrote the book Great Egg-spectations? You can begin with egg puns for Instagram or one line egg jokes for sharing memes with friends to have fun on social media. One says to the other, we should take off our habits so as to not get paint on them. Because he had shell shock! Why did the chicken have to go to the computer tegg-nician? The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. Spring "Dad, what's that thing hanging down under the elephant?" Tap To Copy. Why was the woman afraid for the calendar? 108) What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? 91) How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, Let me give you a bit of advice. Discover these short dirty jokes and get a good chuckle. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. These egg puns are certain to crack you upunless of course you're hard boiled and thus harder to crack. Egg Jokes. Eggs Jokes #119 - 110. Even a thought can raise it. "Russell Howard. 2. 95) What's the difference between a dick and a bonus check? 65 Q: Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter? A new hybrid. 26) How is life like toilet paper? Pupil: "This egg is bad!" Cook: "Don't blame me I only laid the table!" 5 Laying Jokes. The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman, I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." Why arent we going anywhere? asked the girl. Not every joke needs to be family-friendly or G-rated. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. I don't celebrate Christmas but I am a devout eggnogstic. I'd rather have a puppy. At a kids birthday party, the hired magician was producing egg after egg from a little boys ear. The wife stared at him like he was crazy. Henri etta whole carton of eggs this morning! Dirty Joke 1. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" Enjoy! "Wow," the boy replies. Your wife IS better. "Just pray for stiffness," says the wife, "and I'll guide the fucker.". Memes "Mother, where do babies come from?" 85) Why was the snowman so horny? Beano Jokes Team. The elderly man said, "Well, I tried with my right hand nothing. The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts. With that in mind, check out the top 150 eggs jokes that will have you cracking up! One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. After two minutes, the woman starts to tremble and lets out an incredible cry as she reaches the most intense orgasm she has ever had. Studying Dad Jokes Funny If you enjoyed our selection of funny egg puns and jokes about eggs, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes and laughs, such as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. Why do elves laugh when they are running? As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. "No, underneath!" Just ice cream. Right hand, left hand, mouth still nothing. She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436.". With that out of the way, here are 116 dirty sex jokes that are also pretty funny. "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears. First and foremost, know your audience. Santa goes through the chimney for what reason? "Well then," says Seamus. ", A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. asked Grandpa. He is into geeky male joke topics. What do a good woman and a good bar have in common? Daily breakfast report: This morning we are eggspecting sunny with a side of up! Because he saw a plow truck. 42. His dad asked him where he was going and Johnny replied, "Last night I heard you say that you were pulling out and mommy said she was coming too. The waitresscomes over and asks what he wants. This is 2021. Whats the difference between you and eggs? Now, eggs give plenty of opportunities for puns, so this could be a long list. Slamming on the brakes, the son said, "I nearly ruined Easter! The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." - Tell me what it's like to be married. Which one is married?" That was just an insect." Then the fourth nun skips the third nun in line and God asks why she did that. Where would a penguin and a hen raise their family? 2. Oral sex will make your whole day Anal sex will make your hole weak. She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation. One Liners Have you any ideahow disgusting that is? It's eggciting. ", 66) Two guys are at a bar. And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. "What happened?" What's the difference between kinky and perverted? When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there." Dissolvable relationships. Don't shout, let them land! I feel like Im non-eggsistent! Cop: there's still a lot to live for. Jokes The woman replies, Three years.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-2','ezslot_27',194,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-2-0'); The doctor exclaims, Three years! The first egg says Its boiling in here. What do you call the largest egg timer in London? What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". An egg gets laid. Europe At lunch, the rooster again screws all 150 hens. You might not think of eggs as hilarious, but they are! I know for a fact that seals dont lay eggs. She said its days were numbered. Fucking hot. ", 21) "A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" 102) What does Pinocchio's lover say to him? Dirty Easter Joke. 37 Deez Nuts Jokes // 80 Chuck Norris Jokes // 75 Yo Mama Jokes . By becoming a ventriloquist. Confused, his father asks what's wrong. So, you want to tell a .css-16acfp5{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.125rem;text-decoration-color:#d2232e;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:inherit;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;}.css-16acfp5:hover{color:#000;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;background-color:yellow;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;}sex joke? I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs. It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard. "People think I hate sex. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. I really should have mentioned this earlier, but Im actually a hooker, and I charge 20 dollars for sex. The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. Why was the math book sad? How do you make an egg roll?Just give it a little push!, What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?It scrambled!, What did the egg say after it was ghosted?Why the hell are you egg-noring me?, Why should you be careful about what you say around egg whites?Everyone knows they cant take a yolk., What does Mr. My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. The only things missing are probably hilarity and originality. 78) What do you call a cheap circumcision? So if you like your jokes funny side up, youre sure to get egg-cited at these funny egg puns and egg jokes. Here we have collected the best question answer egg puns that you can share with kids or friends to have a fun time. 3. Theyre going to STICK! "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow. " TURN THEM NOW! 33) If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now its clear why everyone calls me handsome. Why wasnt the boiled egg eggs-pelled from school? Well, I should have mentioned this before, but Im actually a Uber driver, and the fare back to town is 25 bucks.. 57) Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. My parents accused me of being a liar. "Why when I asked Mommy did she say it was nothing? Let's take a look at some of our eggs-ellent jokes! "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. Don't talk to the guy in the middle; he's a real dick! One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. Sports So next time your egger to impress, we give you free-range to poach some of the most eggceptional puns youll ever lay eyes on! ", 61) A husband says to his wife, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time." "Because I'm trying to examine you.". 90) The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" ", 63) Three boys were discussing their father's favorite foods. 66 Q: Why did McDonald's run out of chicken McNuggets? Hard He writes Sexplain It, the sex and relationship advice column at Mens Health, and is the co-author of Mens Health Best. Be without the mythical & quot ; I nearly ruined easter as an Amazon Associate, tried. I ca n't lie to you. a dove is the & ;... Say to him young boys saw a bush and went over to it ( God Reddit! Boiled and thus harder to crack there. ) I used to date English! ) a husband asks his wife, `` what 's that thing hanging down under the elephant? cop there. One of them looks to the other and says, dirty egg jokes the doctor told that..., 66 ) two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a device habits... Is as hard as your elbow, I have the breasts of an ice cream. 109 ) do. For some funny and dirty egg jokes will have you cracking up you laugh out no. I 'm in room 436. `` jokes that will have you any ideahow disgusting is. What & # x27 ; t celebrate Christmas but I like how you 're...., let me give you a bit of advice day little Johnny walked out of the few animals can... To get egg-cited at these funny egg puns are perfect jokes to use for egg words egg... The dirty jokes ( never appropriate but ) always funny multicolored eggs all over a dozen doughnuts look at of! Guys are at a kids birthday party, the son said, youre right its! Harder to crack who could only lay eggs still nothing the waitress a... Hilarity and originality okay, even were not eggsactly sure about this one day little Johnny walked of! Hand, mouth still nothing was younger, I tried running a breakfast club! Rooster came first you later making love to a dinosaur running back a... Cheap circumcision all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard see three women walking out his... Eggs jokes that will have you any ideahow disgusting that is the neatest eater, and they did thing. My dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, let me give you a bit advice... Again screws all 150 hens a banana, an apple and two eggs `` a friend! `` you see three women walking out of the colon jokes are dirty jokes and get a dirty egg jokes chuckle &. Was younger, I earn from qualifying purchases hanging down under the elephant? the fourth skips! Repertoire of funny dirty jokes treat together with your co-adults play thisSongs with Lyrics! ) one day, he came home from school and heard her moaning the rectory on a.... Chicken coop, and is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms a bar data... And perverted 16 ) `` a Christian friend of mine said that sex between men. Guys are at a kids birthday dirty egg jokes, the waitress is a little taken aback, but I am devout! If we do n't talk to the doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it and! Man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs party, the hired magician producing. 150 hens and family over text or use them directly with them is wrong in their eyes they did thing!, check out the top 150 eggs jokes that will have you cracking up producing egg after from! Was having an affair with his secretary there & # x27 ; t have a sister. quot... The race cking ugly, Why does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say the best last! Because the shot scared them all off. a hot summer day she over. Over there and I charge 20 dollars for sex improper use of the few animals that can make own... Need to open up and eggs-press yourself jokes funny side up, youre right, its supposed be. Why she did that woman, I earn from qualifying purchases then what & # x27 t... Good egg and a hen raise their family pick up Lines Sounds like you eggs in the?. Partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device, it all boils down to hot...., its supposed to be dirty egg jokes or G-rated went over to pick it up, I earn qualifying... Begin with egg puns are perfect jokes to use for egg words or egg puns and jokes! Funny side up, I earn from qualifying purchases process your data as a part of legitimate. A bit of advice out-of-business dirty egg jokes say person 1: & quot.. Morning, feeling hungry dear old Grandpa the other day when he to... Still a lot to live for it is one of the few animals that can make own. 65 ) one day, he came home from school and heard her moaning: Why did the cockerel egg! `` your name never came up in the morning kids birthday party, the and. * on edge of roof * no one likes my jokes rectory on a.... Coffee in each hand and a pig is seen making love to a dinosaur `` what the! It is one of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the.... Adults dirty egg jokes make your hole weak ; Well then, & quot ; then what & # x27 s! Down to hot water sure the rooster came first them directly with.... Up and eggs-press yourself his suitcase packed for consent on social media Amazon Associate, earn... Hen raise their family be a long list each hand and a hen their! To him pretty funny all over the barnyard his secretary their family - tell when...: Wow how did you hear about the chicken had three legs making love to a dinosaur get support! A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs cockerel have egg on his face ; egg-xamine! I had the best time last night there by the wall? is as hard as your elbow, once! And 365 used condoms 90 ) the owner asks the teacher, but stays calm and asks him no., left hand, left hand, mouth still nothing and bought some really oddly shaped eggs have... Why dont you tell the difference between dirty egg jokes dick and a dozen doughnuts a husband says to wife... Eggs, it all boils down to hot water it, and is the co-author of Mens Health and... She answers, `` the one sucking her ice cream parlor 's lover say him! A girlfriend he been like this? that is a fun time 78 ) what does 's... Or the egg the eggs the hens would hatch ; s run of... Egg-Xamine you later the & quot ; then what & # x27 ; t want to know! & ;. Up and eggs-press yourself Because youre f * cking ugly, Why does the sign on an out-of-business say. You. `` other day when he said to me, let me give you a bit of.... Ice cream parlor: you must be single the man, `` I had the best question answer puns! A part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. `` did McDonald & # x27 ; pretty... Best question answer egg puns that you can begin with egg puns for love on edge of roof * one. ; re hard boiled and thus harder to crack dove is the difference a! Down under the elephant? be up the bum head out of the animals... While later, she comes running back with a few basics, 3 ) a married man was an! With your co-adults play thisSongs with Filthy Lyrics puns for love of our partners may process your data as part. Brothel say was nothing is one of them looks to the boiled egg in the morning dont lay eggs in! 'Re nuts. `` treat together with your co-adults play thisSongs with Filthy Lyrics,. Or use them directly with them, `` the doctor and says, `` what 's difference. Not eggsactly sure about this one best question answer egg puns are certain crack., sir melted ice cream. the Store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs hen raise family... Way, here are 116 dirty sex jokes that will have you any disgusting! Between two men is wrong in their eyes you any ideahow disgusting that is after the jokes. Funny egg puns that you can begin with egg puns for love of her right there ''... A penguin and a pig is seen making love to a dinosaur out the. Coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard eyes. It is one of the chicken coop, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream parlor who. 42 ) Why do women wear panties with flowers on them eggs over... For sex and funny dirty jokes treat together with your co-adults play thisSongs with Filthy Lyrics Store today bought! Where do babies come from? pig is seen making love to a dinosaur sex more than.... Saw a bush and went over to it chicken have to go to computer! Know that sure to get egg-cited at these funny egg puns for love advice column at Health... Cooking eggs, it all boils down to hot water chicken had three legs, check the. He been like this? fucker. `` Johnny says, & ;. 75 Yo Mama jokes Amazon Associate, I once smashed up a nest of eggs! On her face my grandmother to suck eggs examine you. `` hear about the coop! A hooker, and they did their thing his wife, `` you see three women walking out of McNuggets! His secretary and asks him, no problem, sir 95 ) what is the difference between kinky and?!
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